Why We Should All Seek To Understand And Stop Judging

scale

We know we should avoid it, but it’s easy to do in any situation: judgement. 

Picture this situation:

You’re in a meeting and you find yourself agitated by a comment someone else has made. Perhaps it’s a sarcastic remark that came from left field or something you interpret as an affront towards you or your work. You can feel your heart rate increase and your body tenses as you go on the defense. 

The inner dialogue continues and in your mind, you begin to form an opinion of what was just said. 

We are all guilty of being quick to jump to conclusions and judging. It’s a natural,  impulse reaction when we feel rejected or criticized that leads us to quickly judge another in order to jump to our own defense. 

Even worse, many of us believe that we can hide our thoughts from others, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. We can all sense when someone dislikes us or bears a grudge. The moment you judge the person who spoke in the first place, you’ve put yourself in the same combative place. 

Self awareness is the first step in order to overcome situations in which you might be quick to judge. The next time someone does something that makes you go on the defense, take a step back, reflect and try to come to an understanding about that person’s behavior. 

There is always more than one side to the story. 

Think  through the following before you react:

-What would motivate this person to act the way they did? 

-Is it really about this issue or might it be a bigger picture problem?

-Did you say something first that could have driven their comment?

-How can I respond in a way that will benefit all parties involved more productively? 

Thinking through the situation while taking some deep breaths can help you shift your thinking from a place of judgement and frustration to one that is more unbiased and rational. Conversely, if you stay firm in your own judgements, you will remain in resistance with the other person–which won’t help you or your relationship. 

Looking at all sides of a situation without making snap judgements is a big challenge and it’s something that we’ve got to practice for the rest of our lives but the payoff is worth it. 

Need To Get Motivated? Read This NOW!

motivate

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not feeling motivated? Are you barely treading water to keep up? Maybe you’re that proverbial hamster running the wheel. 

Motivation is a luxury, not a necessity but yeh, it sure is nice. 

So if you’re looking for some of that powerful driving force to move forward towards your goals or even just to have a kick ass day, read this…

And then go do everything you want to do. 

#1. Decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

It’s time to move on.

#2. Quit the excuses.

We’re all tired, too busy, had some bad breaks lately. We’ve got to preserver despite all of the tough things we go through.

Everyone faces obstacles. How we deal with those obstacles defines who we are and how successful we will be. 

No more excuses. It’s going to be tough but it can be done. 

#3. Read up on some awesomely motivational quotes. Corny? Maybe. But everyone does it.

Words are powerful. Find the ones that touch you and read them, say them then live by them.

I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse. –Florence Nightingale

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. –Michael Jordan

 The mind is everything. What you think you become.  –Buddha

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. –Stephen Covey

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. –Mark Twain

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. –Aristotle

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. –Anne Frank

You can’t fall if you don’t climb.  But there’s no joy in living your whole life on the ground. –Unknown

The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. –Chinese Proverb

I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear. –Rosa Parks

#4. Stay hydrated–Feel better. Go get some coffee. Or Tea. AND water! 

#5. Take care of yourself to take care of your goals. Do not forget to eat. And I’m not talking a bag of chips at your desk. Eat something healthy (often). Reach for the fruit and the nuts.

And did I mention the water? 

Don’t just feed your body with nutrients, feed it with activity. Get up. Talk a walk. Stretch. MOVE!

Even five minutes of activity will jolt your brain from a rut. 

#6. Practice appreciation and reach out for motivation. If you’re around people right now, connect. But don’t waste all day chatting. Set a time limit (10 minutes or so) and then tell someone why you appreciate them. 

Not around anybody? No problem. Get out a piece of paper, a physical piece of paper, and write down 10 things you are grateful for. 

Gratitude is happiness. Happy people are more motivated. Practice gratitude often.

#7. Turn off the distractions (after you read this). This could be the toughest. Log off of Twitter and Facebook, put down your phone, turn off the email alerts. Shut off the TV if it’s providing background noise. 

Seriously, I know it’s painful, but turn it all off

#8. Listen to music that gets you going. Music motivates. 

#9. Write down the challenges you are likely to face while working towards your goal. Recognize they are inevitable but also possible to overcome.

Beside each challenge, write how you will positively move beyond them. Memorize this list. Then ball up that piece of paper and toss it. 

We all have setbacks–they do not have to be permanent. 

#10. Just do it. There’s a reason why Nike’s slogan is so iconic. Those 3 words say it all. 

Focus on the things you like about what you have to do to get to your goal. Enjoy the moments that get you there. Revel in the challenge and always remember that you’re capable. 

Dig deep. Motivation is in there. 

 

The Day Is Ours–Enjoy Its Splendor!

Beach

 

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” ~Alice Morse Earle

While walking on the boardwalk last night, I noticed all of the groups of friends and families out doing things together–riding the 4 person bikes, roller skating, enjoying some music. And yet, with everything they could want right there in front of them, many of the people had their heads down, buried in their phones–yes, even while peddling!

I’ll be the first to admit my love for technology and social media. It’s erased boundaries of time and distance–connecting us in a way   that’s never been possible. Being able to capture memories is also something I adore and having our phones at our finger tips now makes that a reality.

There’s a fine line between staying connected & capturing the moment and missing out on the here and now–the real life experience at hand. Don’t forget to appreciate the splendor of the little things that are happening right this very moment. Enjoy the day in its entirety.

Motivation Is A Luxury–Sometimes You Just Have To Do Things Without It

Motivation

I couldn’t believe 5am had come so early. I slinked down under the covers a little more, stretched my arm out and quieted the alarm. It can’t already be 5am–it just can’t. I really don’t feel like this. Where was that motivation I felt last night? I snuggled in to the comforter, imaging how tired I would feel the rest of the day.

There are always 2 ways this type of 5am experience can go. #1: I somehow find the force to crawl out of bed, lace up the running shoes and head to the gym. #2: I ignore the alarm and my ambition from the night before and stay asleep until roughly 6:15am when I would have to get out of bed anyways.

On mornings where the latter option wins, I tell myself “I just can’t” as I choose to stay in bed. But for the rest of the day, I can never shake that feeling of disappointment in myself. Why did I give in?

We are all capable of doing things we don’t feel like doing but we learn at a very young age to ignore our drive to be better in the future for immediate comfort.

  • I can’t start this presentation because I’m so unmotivated.
  • I can’t study because I just don’t feel like it.
  • I can’t work on this project because I have too much on my mind right now.

We all believe that if we could just get motivated enough, we would do the work. But believing that we have to be motivated enough to begin is one that holds us back. We are capable of doing things when motivation is missing. Often, when we do the thing we didn’t feel like doing in the first place, motivation follows anyways.

I’m not saying that motivation isn’t a powerful thing. When we are motivated, we tend to enjoy ourselves more, we become engaged in what we’re doing and the work feels effortless and satisfying.

We have to eliminate our idea that we have to be motivated to do something, however.

Instead, we should tell ourselves “I will feel more motivated if I just begin.”

When that 5am alarm rings, I tell myself “I really don’t feel like getting out of bed and I’m going to do it anyway.” Just by acknowledging my feelings that morning rather than ignoring them helps me discover my original motivation that led me to this crossroads in the first place.

It prevents us from being as successful as we potentially could be. It’s one of the ways that we sabotage ourselves. We believe this thought and we treat it like a fact. Then let ourselves off the hook and we don’t do the work. If we’ve deeply integrated this belief, we don’t even feel guilty for not doing the work.

I once heard someone say that motivation is a luxury. You don’t need it, but like all luxuries, it’s great to have.

There’s no way to stay naturally motivated all of the time. By eliminating the belief that we can only do the work when we’re motivated, we can often push ourselves beyond the “no, I don’t feel like it” moment to “but I’m going to do it anyways.” It’s amazing how good that really feels.

 

A Sure Fire Way To Defeat Yourself? Give In To Negative Self-Talk

http://scriptcat.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/do-you-respect-the-mountain-youre-about-to-climb-as-you-pursue-a-screenwriting-career/

“What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” -unknown

There’s a reason movies about people who have achieved great things and overcome all odds, really resonate with us. They inspire us to think big and show us, to some extent, that our dreams are achievable. But these cinematic, dramatized memoirs rarely prepare us to handle the stuff that happens in between the dream and the fruition of it. You know–the beginning point, full of courage, excitement and energy and the point far down the road, where we are actually successful at whatever it is we started out to do.

It’s that middle part that is the hardest to see through. It’s the work, the disappointment, the frustrations and the one step backwards right after you’ve just taken two forward. It’s the reason many of us give up on the very ambitions that set us in motion in the first place. It’s the place that’s outside of our comfort zones and feels unnatural. It’s always the place that we become our own worst enemy–with the self-doubt and negative thoughts that we let complicate the process.

Think about the excitement you have when you begin working towards a new goal. Your energy is positive and un-containable. Then suddenly, those little questions creep in to your psyche, forcing all of the positive momentum back in to the hard to reach areas of your brain:

Do I have enough experience?

Am I too young? Am I too old?

What did I get myself in to?

What if I fail?

What does everyone else think?

Am I good enough?

What will I do when this does not work?

Have I wasted my time?

Allowing questions like this to take over our thoughts wastes the energy we should be using to look for opportunities, engage creative thinking and overcome obstacles. We’re all going to question ourselves at times. It’s how we handle those questions, how we process them and how we move forward despite of them that determines our success. Our grit–our ability to persevere, stay ambitious and work through the hard stuff–is what gets us to the goal.

Photo Cred

Your Mind Is A Garden–Know What Kills The Weeds And What Feeds The Flowers

Garden

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become. -Buddha

Think of your mind as a garden. The positive thoughts are the bright, beautiful flowers that lift your mood and bring beauty to the world. The negative thoughts you have are like the twisted weeds that suffocate out the flowers. 

Gardens take work. They require year-round attention. 

A guaranteed way to ensure weeds will take over your garden is to fret over things out of your control, worry too much about what other people think, take everything personally and fail to breathe and see the bigger picture.

Sometimes, when we are working in one are, a small patch of weeds can shoot up in another corner. One small patch of weeds does not have to ruin a garden. 

It’s easy to dwell on things, over think them and even jump to conclusions when we don’t have people in our lives available to give us a different perspectives. But that type of thinking can become a serious issue when we continue to feed in to it. And because of it, we eventually alienate the people we love the most and become tough to be around.

The image of our minds as a garden is something we can all visualize to bring an awareness of the things that helps us grow and bloom rather than succumb to the tangled mess of weeds that can easily take over. Awareness is conscious choice and always a powerful one. 

 
twitter facebook linkedin google+ klout instagram pinterest youtube tumblr